Gold

Picture this...

Lake Powell. Early morning. On the very top, open deck of the Jex's houseboat. Laid back, feet up. Enjoying the vast stillness. The sun is just beginning to rise, and brighten up the sky. The water is nearly still, just a gentle wave carefully rocks the boat in a slow, rhythmic, almost hypnotizing way. The trickling of these gentle waves is the only sound. The towering, red rock surrounding me casts an amber glow into the crisp, morning air. 

Aaaaaaah...It's just me, my journal, and this moment. 

Frequently, I will have what I call a "break-through" or an "a-ha moment," a "light bulb," an epiphany...

Usually, these are preceded by chaos, change, struggle, a wrestle before God in some way. 

However, sometimes I feel transcended, gifted a beautiful Divine download that doesn't 

require such a struggle. 

To me, it seems to be a "heavenly hug." An out-pouring from a loving Heavenly Daddy 

who wants nothing more than to express to His babies how much He adores them.

This day, I was given one of those. 

As I sat there, relishing the peaceful moment, I reflected on how grateful I am.

No, really.

HOW GRATEFUL I AM.

I have known some really difficult, humbling, hideous seasons of life.

Trials.

Just like every one I know has. 

And while these trials truly bring with them growth--spiritual strength that can't be gained otherwise,

at this moment, I was feeling deep, sincere, I-wanna-scream-and-shout

gratitude for ALL my blessings!

And feeling accomplished, kind of feeling like, 

"YAY!!! That one is done!" I AM SO BLESSED!!! 

Also, recognizing the opening of a new chapter, and the closing of this difficult chapter. 

It's like I had reached the top of a towering mountain, and was looking back! And looking down. Seeing the journey as a whole--the rough stretches, blood, sweat, tears, and smooth stretches. Taking it all in, and feeling deeply, sincerely grateful to have been carried through it, and now to see it come to an end. 

Aaaaaah.

And, for this moment, I was able to reflect on this particular season of great heart-ache, and uncertainty that shook me to the core. It seemed to be much more than I could endure--and then,

 I realized the very hand of God in all of it. 

I realized how very literally my Savior carried me, blessed me, transformed me, and transformed my husband. How He allowed there to be a trial of my faith, knowing fully my potential, and knowing fully the blessings that would come as a DIRECT result of this trial. 

That kind of love. Just wow.

And that was the precursor to the light bulb that came next.

I was gifted with a beautiful conclusion to all of this.

A heavenly hug.

A Divine download. 

About gratitude.

Often times, as a mortal, I find myself reaching. 

Wanting... more. Always more. 

"As soon as I get___________THEN things will be awesome and I will be happy."

"Just imagine, once THIS happens, THEN my life will be perfect."

"Won't it be amazing when THIS finally happens?! Can you even imagine how life will be then?!"

I call it the "As soon as" syndrome. 

As soon as (whatever it is I'm wanting) THEN all will be perfect! And THEN I can be happy and feel fulfilled, relaxed, done, peaceful.

The focus is always in the future, somewhere else, a mystical place called, "someday."

It's a place that's out of my reach, and always will be.

That "perfect, peaceful" time when THIS happens, is a lie.

IT'S A LIE.

An illusion.

As a mortal, it's never going to come.

NEVER!!!

It's the day-dreaming of a recovering perfectionist girl who fantasizes about that "one day" when all is well in her world. When THIS THAT and THIS have happened, all is perfectly cleaned, organized, everyone is happy, cooperative and I'm on top of it all!!!!

It's impossible! Right?!

Or is it?

Here's the light bulb:

Gratitude is like digging into the land right under my feet, right where I stand. Right where 

I AM, 

now.

And when I do, I find a beautiful gold mine.

A cavern full of gems, diamonds, treasures beyond anything I could ever reach or long for. 

When I start wanting, feeling weak, in my smallness, comparing, being ungrateful, covetous, underwhelmed with life, 

(or ANY negative emotion)

it serves me to:

Stop moving my feet (and mind)

BE still

...Remember...

dig deep

look up and look around. 

Great treasures lie right where I am right now, they're all around!

But if I'm so busy looking into my tomorrows, day-dreaming about "as soon as" I will miss the cavern filled with treasures RIGHT under my feet.

It serves me to remember the real treasures. To remember where joy and abundance really live. 

{In. the. moment.

IN gratitude.} 

THAT'S where abundance lives. That's where I feel fulfilled, relaxed, done, peaceful.  

It's real magic. 

When I do this, my whole reality is shifted.

I couldn't ask for one more thing. 

There is no tomorrow, because today--this moment, is all I'm promised, and all I want.

When I stop searching for abundance, I find that it lives right where I am. It's not going to come "as soon as...." it lives in me. And I CAN feel THAT peace, when I choose to dig into my abundance cave right where I am.

And, indeed, all IS well.