The Pendulum

I'm alive! It feels so good to look at/remember that I have a blog that I love! And have I mentioned before how much I LOVE to write!? Oh, I love it and miss it. And have been inspired many times to KEEP writing. So I must. I have NOT been creating time to write lately and I desperately miss it. I am creating another shift and exercising my "Christ-centered Peace" muscle and overcoming my "perfectionism" inclination. My tendency is to avoid blogging unless I have three hours of un-interrupted peace to sit and write in peace. BAAHAHAHA... Have you noticed how regularly I have been blogging lately? Yeah, so it's gonna be short, imperfect, real, but SOMETHING, RIGHT?! 

I had baby Lucy on May 3, 2013. She is SUCH a dolly dolly! I am SOOO in love with her! We all are. I feel abundantly blessed every day to have a gorgeous, sweet little daughter in my world. So blessed. Joy that is FAR BEYOND description...

With her pregnancy, came some very difficult trials for me, if I'm being real and honest, and I am.

I was SO sick. Like I never could comprehend how sick I could be-in lots of ways. I was physically, car sick for about four months. Every day and night. It didn't let up at all. Which was so exhausting. I was extremely fatigued. I have never experienced that kind of exhaustion. Mentally I was a crazy person. Oh nelly. I was depressed, no doubt. I felt post-partum depression/anxiety while pregnant...Huh?? I was not seeing reality--I felt a severe hormonal imbalance that 

rocked. my. world. 

I remember actually experiencing feelings/thoughts/emotions that I NEVER felt before. Like..."I must escape this pain. SOMEHOW." And "What is the point of this agony? Of life?" I remember specifically visiting the temple with great hopes to receive revelation/comfort regarding the thought I struggled with the most--"Heavenly Father asks that I multiply and replenish the earth. And that's exactly what I am striving to do. So, why is this absolutely killing me? Where are the blessings? Grace? Where is the end? Relief? Why does this have to be SO hard? If I am striving to do what Heavenly Father asks, WHY am I SO unhappy?" {I am getting very real right now. I am a happy, grateful person, but this was honestly the anguished pleadings of my pregnant/hormonal soul.}

The responsibilities I had were overwhelming. 

We were building a home. YAY! And along with that, there was SO much to do! And even more to pay for! Eeeeeek. We were completing project "get completely out of debt and get our finances in perfect order so we can pass a financial rectal exam-pending." I had two young, energetic boys that I ADORE and felt a great desire/stewardship to nurture, love, teach. I was dealing with very challenging ADHD/defiant behaviors from my oldest son. I had the wife/homemaker responsibilities that had to be addressed on a DAILY basis. {Can't the laundry just stay in mountains?!?} And there was a few months of a very intense marital struggle that was very difficult for me. James' work situation was such that he was under intense pressure to perform--OR ELSE. {With a baby on the way and our home being built. Ah. yikes}

I was still doing a crazy long hair day once {let's be honest--more than once} a week that was about 13-14 hours a day. And keeping my clients cared for and taken care of was of chief importance to me. 

The bottom line of this whole pity story of mine is this:

I simply HAD to be in a "good place" in order to meet my responsibilities and I didn't feel up to the task.

Like, NOT AT ALL.

Then, there was the guilt for not feeling good. 

OH MY GOSH. 

I think all the mamas out there can relate!

I was not in a good place and it was killing me. 

Drowning. Fast and hard.

So, December 2012 I was at the height of this hellish feeling and I went to the Savior of the World with my Jamous. I had been "wrestling before God" with this for several months and didn't feel like I was breaking through anything--no lightbulbs. No epiphanies. It was and continued to be a dark place.

BUT 

I was still seeking for the light, and I knew that if I continued to wrestle, Heavenly Father would come through. And I knew that.

As we were stretching during the intermission, it came. 

I remember so vividly.

I was wearing my coral maternity blouse with a little gold buckle at the collar bone.

I was stretching my back {my sciatic nerve pinched like CRAZY during my pregnancy}

And looking down on the crowd from the balcony.

Completely unforeseen tears streamed down my face and I felt that heavenly hug, Divine understanding, make sense of my madness. I got the download I had been aching for, the purpose was clear to me where I felt like I had been wearing REALLY dirty goggles. My pain was all I could see. But at this moment, I felt a paradigm shift and I felt so much love from my Heavenly Daddy. 

And here is the download that changed everything.

The pendulum swings BOTH ways. 

There MUST needs be opposition in ALL things.

We MUST know the bitter to truly appreciate the sweet.

To the degree that the pain reaches, is exactly the degree that the joy reaches when the pendulum swings the opposite way. 

The fact that I was experiencing SUCH anguish meant that there was INTENSE joy coming my way. The place was being carved out to be CAPABLE of truly experiencing that kind of JOY. Had I not been in such turmoil, I would not have been capable of feeling the deep and indescribable joy I was headed for. Does that make sense? I'll tell you---it did NOT make sense to me until that moment. Until Heavenly Father touched my mind and my heart like only He can, I was out of alignment, and could not make sense of it all. But once He graced me with just another little taste of His knowledge, it all aligned, my mind and heart got clear and immediately I shifted.

So, instantly instead of feeling picked on, confused, frustrated at the discomfort I was experiencing, I was able to see the loving hand of God!

He was blessing me with the ABILITY to receive and transcend the pain with exceedingly GREAT JOY to come!!! 

It was ALL a blessing! A gift! 

He allowed the bitterness so that I could be ready, be prepared, be EQUIPPED to feel the same degree of heavenly joy.

For that pendulum to take that SAME momentum it had gained swinging into the valley of death, and when the time was right, when the "fourth watch" had come, the pendulum would soar into joy and happiness that is beyond mortal description.

Once again, I learned how good God is. 

Always.

I was SURE before, that this was just senseless suffering. Like I had been dealt a crappy card. 

Some women just have easy pregnancies, and float through the whole thing.

Surely, I was just afflicted because I was one of the unlucky ones.

But NO.

ALWAYS and forever, there is always Divine wisdom and order.

ALWAYS God loves us, and me.

ALWAYS He wants to bless me. 

ALWAYS He KNOWS my suffering and watches with compassion.

ALWAYS He carries us, me.

ALWAYS there is a unique, carefully orchestrated plan for each and every one of His children.

ALWAYS, each day is numbered and has a purpose.

ALWAYS there is light, if I

KEEP ON SEEKING, asking, knocking. 

Even just a little.

This season wasn't my greatest example of daily scripture study.

My heart was so heavy it seemed overwhelming.

But I did seek a little, and that was enough.

It wasn't as season of complete faithfulness and positive attitude on my part.

But I did keep tiredly striving, and that was enough.

I didn't pour my heart out in prayer on my knees each morning and night for hours at a time.

But my exhausted, desperate pleas for relief  and understanding were enough.

I don't think this can truly be captured with words-the feeling was so big and all-encompassing that I was changed-again.

And I saw again, how this mortal life is a series of epiphanies.

 All spaced out and strung together intermingled with struggles, hardships, heart-wrenching trials that don't seem to make sense.

But always the pendulum swings both ways and brings joy and happiness that can and will always surpass the suffering.

And that is good news.

Grateful. Blessed.

XO

We walked around temple square after the Savior of the World--while it was a blizzard! I have never felt the spirit so strong on Temple Square until this night. A little piece of heaven was gifted to us on that night.

Yesterday's Miracles

Here is the talk I gave in my church's sacrament meeting last week, before Thanksgiving.

{Learn more about my faith here}

A few years ago, I was in the midst of a few very difficult trials, all at once. (Isn't that how it always happens?) It was a soul-anguishing season, to say the least. One of these trials included my precious Daddy. He had discovered that he had a cancerous tumor in his small intestine. I remember desperately pleading with my Heavenly Father to please just spare my Daddy. I would be on my best behavior forever more, if only my Daddy could be okay. Immediately after finding the tumor, he was scheduled to have surgery where they would remove the tumor, and get a better idea of his prognosis. Needless to say, we felt agonized by this waiting game.
{To read more about this experience, click here}

The day of his surgery, our number one prayer was that the cancer hadn't spread to his lymph nodes-- because if it had, it would be very bad news. We found out, following the surgery, that unfortunately, the cancer had spread. I remember my Mommy, and Daddy and I holding each other on my dad's hospital bed, sobbing, after hearing this heart-breaking news. It couldn't be true! And then, soon after, we learned that it had just spread locally, and it was contained, and was completely removed-- the surgery was a total success! It was truly a miracle! The sequence of events that led to this amazing news, was inspired all along, and we were, undoubtedly the very blessed recipients of a miracle!

I vowed that day, that I would always remember the miracle we had received, and that I would always thank Heavenly Father for it. It turned out, that every one of the difficult trials we faced during this season, turned into absolute miracles, at the hand of God. We were witnesses of many modern-day miracles, and we were graciously blessed. As I pondered the events that surrounded this experience, a very simple truth was revealed to me, that I strive to remember.

{Taken right after his surgery in 2008}

I will never allow yesterday's miracle, 

to become today's normal. 

Once again,

I will never allow yesterday's miracle, to 

become today's normal. 

How appropriate that on this beautiful Sunday before Thanksgiving, we get to share some thoughts on gratitude. I am truly grateful for this opportunity today.

I don't know about you, but when I study the Gospel, I love to get to the roots of doctrine. When referring to the roots of what's important pertaining to gratitude, there is nothing more meaningful, deeply rooted or sacred than the gift of our Savior's atoning sacrifice. It is the foundation for all other blessings we receive. This gift, alone, is cause for rejoicing every day! And this gift, is what brings true joy, happiness, and peace in this life—for this infinite gift, I know each of us is deeply grateful.

Pres. Marion G. Romney said it best.

“We should be thankful and express appreciation for all favors received—and surely we receive many. The chief objects of our gratitude, however, should be, and are, God, our Heavenly Father, and his son Jesus Christ, our Lord and Redeemer. …

“To the Lord Jesus we owe an undying debt of gratitude, for he bought us with a great price. It is impossible for us, weak mortals as we are, to fully comprehend and appreciate the sufferings he endured on the cross that he might gain for us the victory over death.” 

To me, to be grateful and to remember are closely related. My all-time favorite word is the word remember. I love it. It has a sacred place in my heart. To me, it denotes Divinity. It reminds me of keeping all that is sacred, true, and holy in the front of my mind and heart. To “remember” means to live from this space of remembrance, and keep a bright recollection of God's handiwork in my world. To stay united with Christ in all that I do. To always remember, and be grateful for the miracles I receive.

I love what King Benjamin said in Mosiah 4:11,12. You can turn there with me, if you'd like.

"And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love, and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel."

I love this, listen carefully to what “always” happens when we do this...(four things)

“And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true.” 

It's interesting to me, that being grateful is a commandment. In D&C 59:7 it says, “Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things.” And yet, while we are commanded to give thanks, we reap such huge benefits for obeying.

Who in the Saratoga Springs 7th ward, wouldn't want to ALWAYS rejoice? Or ALWAYS be filled with God's love? That might come in handy?! With Kids? Or ALWAYS retain a remission of our sins? Or ALWAYS learn more about our Creator? Or ALWAYS receive more truth from Him? How much sweeter would each of our lives be if we more fully obeyed the commandment to give thanks? Here's a few questions for us to ponder: What healing could take place for you and me, personally, if we can be just a little more grateful? And claim these promises? How can we be blessed, and bless those around us by being more grateful? If something pops into our minds, I challenge all of us to make a note of it, and test this out for ourselves.

Being grateful is a commandment, and carries with it rich promises. So, what about ingratitude?
This poem says it well:

“How Different.”

Some murmur when the sky is clear

And wholly bright to view,

If one small speck of dark appear

In their great heaven of blue:

And some with thankful love are filled,

If but one streak of light,

One ray of God’s good mercy, gild

The darkness of their night.

Elder Eyring said:

“The Prophet Joseph said at one time that one of the greatest sins of which the Latter-day Saints would be guilty is the sin of ingratitude. THE SIN OF INGRATITUDE. I presume most of us have not thought of that as a great sin. There is a great tendency for us in our prayers and in our pleadings with the Lord to ask for additional blessings. But sometimes I feel we need to devote more of our prayers to expressions of gratitude and thanksgiving for blessings already received. We enjoy so much.”

Elder Eyring also said this:

“We so easily forget that we came into life with nothing. Whatever we get soon seems our natural right, not a gift. And we forget the giver. Then our gaze shifts from what we have been given to what we don’t have yet.”

I can't speak for you, but I know that I have absolutely been guilty of the great sin of ingratitude. A couple of years ago, as part of my New Year's theme, I knew it was time to cultivate a more grateful countenance. So, here's what I did. Every time I felt the need to complain about something, I would stop, and find SOMETHING, ANYTHING directly related to the forthcoming complaint and search instead for a blessing.

For example:
If I'm about to complain about the mountains of laundry that I get to keep washing, drying, folding, putting away, and picking up off the floor, instead I stop. How are these mountains a blessing? Well, they keep my angel babies warm, and clothed. And, the clothes, the many many clothes...a blessing? Or a curse? Immediately, the rage melts away, and instead, my heart is full. As I sit there watching James fold them all. Wink wink.

If I am about to complain about the toothpaste splatters on the mirror, instead I thank Heavenly Father for giving me such a kind, incredibly handsome and intelligent sweetheart. The toothpaste splatter means that my husband is alive, he woke up this morning, he is capable of providing for us, and that he values oral hygiene, which I am, indeed :) grateful for ;)

When my strong-willed little off spring is expressing his great dissatisfaction with being in time-out, and his refusal to comply with the “we must wear clothing to school” rule, when I'm about to look to the heavens and ask REEEAAALLY!?! Instead, I thank Heavenly Father for sending me such a valiant, strong soul! And I am grateful for the opportunity to fulfill the role I have always aspired for most, being a Mommy.

This little spin on gratitude has proven to add light to my heart, brought me closer to Christ, and is a stepping stone on my pathway to discipleship. I can testify of the truthfulness of the promises that come from choosing to be grateful.

Another effective way to cultivate a grateful countenance, is to write. President Spencer W. Kimball described the process of inspired writing: “Those who keep a book of remembrance are more likely to keep the Lord in remembrance in their daily lives. Journals are a way of counting our blessings and of leaving an inventory of these blessings for our posterity.”

President Eyring adds to this: 

"As you start to write, you could ask yourself, “How did God bless me today?” If you do that long enough and with faith, you will find yourself remembering blessings. And sometimes, you will have gifts brought to your mind which you failed to notice during the day, but which you will then know were a touch of God’s hand in your life."

As poor, young newlyweds, James and I started writing “our little list of miracles.”
Here are a couple examples:

July 6th, 2003--We found the perfect shoes for James for 12.99 at Big 5. YAY! Our brand new box springs from the DI for 10 bucks! Christy broke her tooth, but it doesn't hurt at all! Aka We don't have to spend money to fix it until it hurts. No joke: 7 months later: Christy's tooth broke even more, still NO PAIN! :) June 2004 Found out we are pregnant!! So excited!

These are just a couple of examples, but we have pages and pages of these kinds of miracles throughout our first years together. I can also testify of the reality of writing our little miracles down. For me, it's my way of taking ownership of my own, personal relationship with my Heavenly Father, and recognizing His hand in the details of my life.

Here's another question: What miracles have each of us received that have gone unnoticed? Are we missing opportunities to record these blessings that could bless us and our posterity? What miracles have I received that deserve to be written and preserved? I challenge each of us to write these things down, just a little more.

In closing,

Elder Hales said, “Gratitude expressed to our Heavenly Father in prayer for what we have brings a calming peace—a peace which allows us to not canker our souls for what we don’t have. Gratitude brings a peace that helps us overcome the pain of adversity and failure. Gratitude on a daily basis means we express appreciation for what we have now without qualification for what we had in the past or desire in the future. 

President Eyring said, “The remembrance King Benjamin urged upon us can be ours. Remembrance is the seed of gratitude which is the seed of generosity. Gratitude for the remission of sins is the seed of charity, the pure love of Christ.”

I know with all my heart that as each of us remembers Christ's atonement, records our miracles, and chooses gratitude, we will more clearly see the very Hand of God in our every day and experience more joy and peace in this life.

A Journey of a Thousand Miles, Begins With a Single Step: A Single Step

This beautiful quote, "A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step," is by Lao-tzu. Had to give the credit where it's deserved. 

Well, today was the first day of school. YEAH! And boo, at the same time. 

As much as I am convinced that I am SO ready for school to start, and ready for a change of pace, 

I still get a sting in my eyes and a lump in my throat once I watch that little brown eyed boy bound into the school for the first time.

Time goes SO fast. 

I remember, as a kid, thinking a month was SUCH a long time. And a year, was never-ending.

Well, those days are long over. 

My baby boy just turned 2!

And my other baby just started 2nd grade!

How did this happen?

I'm still in 2nd grade? How is it possible for a 2nd grader to have a 2nd grader?

It's a mystery.

It's an emphatic reminder that I MUST slow down, play more, snuggle more, talk more, LISTEN (about some one's future plans, that involve building a factory where droids do all his work, HE is in charge!

and he creates real light sabers, compasses, Santa's sleighs and much, much MORE-in one long, run-on sentence with no breath in between)

more.

I love my babies, 

like more than I can even express. 

I FREAKING LOVE MY BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They drive me absolutely inSANE at times. But then, the next moment, they melt my heart 

with something hilarious or sweet, and I'm smitten. All over again. 

OOOOOH how I love my babies.

I want more, lots more. 

Okay, so the last couple months, I officially began a journey from perfection to peace.

On a drive home from Zion's National Park, where we hiked Angel's Landing,

and the Narrows, I had an "aha!" moment.

We had such a blissful time on this trip. I mean heavenly.

For me, I LOVE to hike, run, walk, strengthen this healthy body I've been blessed with.

And, even more, I ADORE nature, God's creations, this beautiful earth.

Because it always involves feeling an abundance of God's love-and feeling the Spirit, the whole time.

I LOVE it. 

I also LOVE my babies 

(meaning: my actual babies, but also the people I love most in this world. My sweet Jamous, #1, my parents, family, siblings, and I have a few babies that are my framily-friends I choose for family.)

However, when all three are combined-

Well, that is my definition of HEAVEN.

Literal heaven.

So, we experienced this at Zion's, and it calmed my soul,

I could breath deeper, I felt at peace from the core of my being.

It was almost as if my "vibration" was deeper, slower, more at peace, and sensitive to 

eternal perspective.

So, then, as we were just driving into Utah County, where we live, I felt this very sudden surge of anxiety come over me.

I started panicking. My body felt tense, tight, achy.

My heart started pounding, my breathing began to race,

FEAR overcame my being.

What?

How is this possible?

After such an exquisite experience, how is this feeling so suddenly overtaking my soul?

It was a moment where I fell right into a "sweet spot." 

Remember me explaining this?

Well, I felt a shift. I wanted to get to the bottom of why this was coming on.

I love my life! I am so blessed!

So, why when I was re-entering my life, was there such a flood of anxiety threatening my very peace of mind?

The quality of my life. 

"I don't want to live this way, Hunny."

I said to my sweet Jamous.

I felt an intense desire, like never before, to get feedback, from my Jamous, the one who knows me best, watches my antics, why I was feeling this?

How am I creating this?

I asked him to give me some honest, un-filtered ideas as to why this was coming on.

He was hesitant, at first. It turns out I have had my days of 

"thinking I have it all figured out." 

Not very open to my sweetie's suggestions. Not willing to see things from a different paradigm.

So, after a second, and third re-assurance that I truly wanted his feedback, he finally gave me some.

"Hunny, you're too damn hard on yourself. You just expect WAY too much of yourself. You want to be 

perfect at everything. You want to be the perfect Mom, wife, sister, daughter, grand daughter, friend, ward sister, compassionate service leader, hairstylist, housekeeper, you expect to be perfect at your eating and exercise. You want to please everyone, and do everything all the time. You are running WAY faster than is wise, and you have strength. You beat yourself up all the time. It's bad."

He went on and on.

And while I've always known I was a perfectionist. I didn't, until that moment, realize the UGLY side of  it.

I kinda thought it just meant that I like to do things 100%-perfect. "How can that be bad?" I thought.

I just wanted to reach my full potential. And I realize I have been given MUCH, and have lots of passions,

and roles that I want to pursue. Like, eat up for dinner, dig into. 

But, at that moment, I was "downloaded" with the reality of the way I was choosing to engage, think,

expect of myself, BEAT UP ON MYSELF, etc.

And I was also "downloaded" with how hurtful this is to me. To Christy, my spirit. That I was missing so much of the peace and joy my life 

has to offer, because of my obsessive thoughts, my out of control desire to 

PLEASE FREAKING EVERYONE!!!

Oh my gosh! How sick I am of thinking I have to be perfect!! 

And put my peace, and joy on the sacrificial alter

 in the name of "pleasing people." 

Who, as it turns out, aren't the ones I can blame. It's MY expectations, my ridiculous ideas of achieving perfection in this life. Actually fantasizing about how amazing it would be to wake up one morning,

on top of it ALL! 

What the hell?!?!?

As if that's even possible??

Oooooh, how disgusted I am with the thought that I have been deceived.

It's one of my biggest and ugliest weaknesses.
Satan has had some success with me on this one. Or used to, at least.

He probably can't get me to commit some huge, heinous sin, on a daily basis.

 But he can absolutely get me to run this number, beat myself up, believe the lies, be prisoner to my 

obsessive, perfection thoughts. 

Because this one looks beautiful. It seems 

SEEMS beautiful. 

Lots of goals, wanting to be good, serve others, improve.

And when I buy into this bull shiz, here's what it looks like to my family, my babies, and all those around me.

I am RUSHING, hurrying, all the time. My house is either perfect or a wreck, my heart is heavy. I'm not really ever anywhere. Because I'm always multi-tasking to attempt to attain the un-attainable, "being on top of it ALL!" I'm uptight, easily irritated. Less patient, less joyful. More worry, anxious, doubtful, fearful.

I pick at my Jamous. I am so much more aware of all of his weaknesses, because my job is to perfect him too, right? I read anything BUT the word of God. I'm searching for a secular answer to alleviate this feeling. 

I'm stuck in the all or nothing/black or white mentality. So, I'm either SUPER fit, or SUPER itchy (eating emotionally, not working out unless it's perfect, not eating healthy unless it's perfect.)

Staying up way too late, cleaning, stressing, worrying, playing back the day, giving myself a beating for everything I "think" wasn't perfect.

Just for a moment, looking over this horrible space, I create for myself, 

isn't this precisely where Satan wants me?

I don't reach out when I'm in this space, I don't feel worthy to pray, 

so I don't. 

I don't share the love I have with those around me, I'm too consumed with my imperfect state. 

This one has been  a life-long struggle for me.

It's been a roller-coaster, and definitely hasn't defined my life. 

There are times and seasons where I feel it almost overtake me, 

then other seasons where I feel it conquered. 

But, at that moment, in the car, I was acutely aware of the contrast.

I experienced such joy, happiness, contentment, peace of mind, my heart was soaring.

And then, 

BAM!

I felt "the cave" come on so strong.

It was a tender mercy. A sweet spot.

I was gifted with this experience, so I could SEE and FEEL and KNOW

the stark contrast of these two "spaces" and CHOOSE which one I wanted to adopt permanently-

As my way of BEing, my way of life.

To pass on to my beautiful children. 

I have a CHOICE.

So, thus began 

 My Journey From Perfection to Peace.

And from that moment, June 10th, 2012, I was on a mission.

To study, learn, come to KNOW the beast I was facing, (perfectionism)

so I could BEAT IT!

Which, now I know, is a blessing. Struggling with this beast is hard. It requires an awareness of my thoughts, 

my expectations, humility, total and complete TRUST in my Savior, and a commitment to change. 

And this is hard, for a girl like me, to do. 

But, I can literally see how I was given this, and other "beasts" as a catalyst to get me 

closer to Christ and my Heavenly Father. 

Who I love beyond anything I could ever express with words.
This beasts compels me to 

rely

on His Divine, enabling power, His atonement, His mercy, His love. 

Because, I've tried wrestling this beast without their power, 

and it doesn't work.

Sweet Spot.

As I infiltrate this struggle with the 

power, mercy, and love

of the atonement, I can do it! We can do it!

I would be a liar if I didn't testify, that I have literally felt the REALITY of the 

enabling power

 of the atonement.

I have attained "that feeling" of "being on top of it all."

Because I know that where I fall short, my beautiful Savior takes what I've done, and 

super charges all my efforts. And then, He, so lovingly, turns to me, and fills me with His peace.

Oh, how I love His peace. It's my addiction. {tears}

I KNOW this is true. 

And my heart is changed. Converted. From a struggling, imperfect girl-

to a Divine, spirit daughter of God 

on a mortal journey to learn.

All is Well.

xo