Precious Baby

Have you ever been in a situation where there is a teacher, instructor, book, seminar, or anything, where you are asked to make a list of your strengths? I have. So many times. It's always a bitter sweet experience. Honestly, at first, I feel very uncomfortable. Who likes to sit and do that? I usually feel "at a loss" to begin with. And then, I innately know the very strongest attribute of Christy Cook Jex. And I feel okay admitting this, and sharing it, because it centers on other people. It's my capacity for love. I know, that a very major part of my mission on this earth, is to love people. Not just feel the love, but to verbally express it. Also, as part of a very personal, and sacred blessing I've received, it mentions that I have an "eye for beauty. Not only in the physical dimension, but the spiritual too." And I recognize that. I do feel like I'm able to truly "see" people. I truly do BURST for people, like a lot. I feel intense surges of pure, Christ-like, explosive love for people! It usually ends in either a bite on their arm, a big squeeze, a clenched, shaking jaw, an explosion of  "oooooooooooh," a little smack on the butt, or James takes a beating. Cause he's usually standing closest to me, and someone has to take it, right?! Or, he'll be the "scapegoat" if the person isn't near me, isn't big enough, (babies) or strong enough to take such a blow. 

And, on top of this, I've felt also, that I MUST share with them how I "see" them. Because, I know for a fact, people don't hear the compliments we think of them nearly as much as would serve them. So, if I walking by someone who has a pretty smile, they're gonna hear it. "Stranger" or not. Or if someone looks extra beautiful, they're gonna hear it. If they have a beautiful set of ........feet, they're gonna get squeezed. ;) If they have a fuzzy set of ear-lobes, they're gonna get bitten. (My poor brother-in-law.) Or, if I recognize a spiritual attribute that I admire, it won't do un-said. I realize that being so verbal like this, with people, could cause my words to seem "watered down," but I don't care. They're still going to hear it, and I mean every word I say.

Today I had one of the most profound experiences of my entire 30 years on the earth. 

I cannot let this day pass, and the intensity of this experience fade even for one day without recording the moment of today. 

I was sitting in Merilee Boyack's class, again. Next to my beautiful baby sister, Niki. Sis. Boyack was explaining how much God loves us. She showed a picture of one of her adorable, newborn grandsons. She asked a few questions regarding this concept. First of all, "Does this sweet baby have to do ANYthing to earn your love?" Of course not. But, then, I started drifting...Immediately, the words our of my mouth were, "OOOH shweetie." Only, I had to temper the usual volume, being that we were in an auditorium full of people, in a reverent setting. So, a very muted version was all I could indulge in. If you know, me, this is typical. As soon as there is a baby around, the crazy voices come out, there's lots of gritting of my teeth, shaking jaw, baby peach fuzz-sniffing, and maybe a mouth kiss, and sniff or two or seventy six. My own babies? Well, that's another story. Let's just say, we kinda make out. I cannot freaking handle how much I love babies. ESPECIALLY my precious babies. So, I was drifting into "the zone." The baby zone. Where my compulsions come blasting out, and I feel this overwhelmingly intense amount of sheer bursting love! I first experienced it with my angel, Jaxon. And then with the same intensity (I couldn't imagine this being possible) with our second angel baby, Christian. Once I first felt this overwhelmingly delicious love come spilling out of my heart and fill my entire soul, 

I KNEW, 

I knew, 

with absolute, undeniable clarity, and precision, and great humility that my calling in this life, on this earth, and for eternity, was to be their Mommy. It was the most instantaneous shift, and "download" from Heaven, I have ever experienced. And this runs deep into the very fiber of what makes me breath. And what beats my heart. And it is who I AM. 

All of that was important to depict, so today's moment hits home. 

So, there I sat. Just completely enveloped in "the zone." I could almost smell the baby's breath, and feel the furry hair as I sniffed it. And feel the soft skin, feel the weight of that sweet baby, fitting so perfectly in my arms. I almost wasn't hearing anything else Sis. Boyack was describing. And then this--it makes my chest shake to even type this right now. She said this. "Heavenly Father loves you like you love your babies. Because 

YOU are 

HIS 

precious 

baby.

In that moment, it was as if the tables were instantaneously turned. "The zone" that I had drifted to-filled with 

the bursting love I felt that can't be contained. The feeling that literally has NO words that capture its essence--it's not OF this world, or dimension. 

The feeling of complete unconditional love, unearned, but given fully.

The feeling of total peace, purpose, Divinity. 

I'm struggling right now to attempt describing this with words-

but it's all-consuming, Divine, transcendent, beautiful.

The tables turned.

All of a sudden, I, Christy, was the precious baby being adored.

Being held gently, kissed softly...adored.

It was like Heavenly Father wasn't holding back, nothing was left un-said. He "downloaded"

me with all He was pleased with, in me.

He gave powerful, Divine compliments to my heart. 

That filled me up to overflowing.

{I had to leave, or the snort-cry would have come.}

I literally felt even more intensity of love

from my Heavenly Father 

for me, 

than I feel in my daily life for my babies 

and others.

Read that again.

More?

Is that even possible??!?!

In that moment, I realized a small part of why I get to be a Mommy in this life, 

is to experience on a tiny scale, how God loves His children, me.

So that in turn, I can not only love with a Christ-like love, but 

receive, and believe the love He has for me.

It's all part of the intricate plan He has for me.

Part of His Divine design.

It was a burst. 

From Heavenly Father to me.

He taught me how to love like this. I am created from Him. 

As intense as I feel love, He has given me a mere spark of His capacity to love. 

Just a spark.

The expanse of His capacity to love, all at once, hit me. It surprised me. It humbled me, it was all-encompassing, overwhelming, and like 

nothing

nothing

 I'd ever felt before. 

{This is written in past-tense, but it changed my heart forever. And I feel it right now, still}

It was pure, powerful, the love of God. In all its majesty. 

The unconditional, perfect, infinite love that God has for little, crazy Christy.

In that moment, a flood of miracle after miracle flashed before my mind. As if Heavenly Father was 

reminding me, while my heart was open, of all the countless times He had shown me this love, 

but I somehow missed it. I missed this. I didn't receive all that He had to give me. Until now.

He shows me.

Everyday. 

He's performed literal miracles in my life.

I've witnessed miracles.

I've seen them.

He knows me.

{tears flowing, even now}

He loves me. 

He adores me. 

and

 I am His precious baby.