Interesting. I just finished reading a post. All about how this woman walked into church with her family all mismatched, not dressed in anything special for Easter Sunday. And how they aren't the "perfectly matched plaid" family in pastels on Easter Sunday. And how she looked at all the families walking in in their perfectly styled outfits matching head to toe. With accessories, purses, etc to finish off the perfect look. And she says how at one point she would have compared herself and felt so inadequate, and beat herself up because of the stark contrast between how her family is dressed and the seemingly perfect family.... She also said how she has come to realize how much more she appreciates having good health, and living her life. She doesn't worry about those insignificant details anymore.
All of this struck me in such an interesting way. Because I feel like I have been on both sides of this story. And comparison. I know I have been that Momma who was GIDDY to put together beautiful, new, spring outfits for my precious babies to wear on Easter Sunday. And how seeing them all together, on Easter Sunday, in a photo about made my heart burst all over the place. And how those are the moments that I always dreamt of as a Momma. Enjoying the moment, reveling in the spirit of the day. And feeling totally blessed beyond measere, and at peace with it all.
And then, I remembered how last year on Easter, we weren't even at church. We were home sick. Because we COULD NOT catch a break with the winter sickness. And we didn't even think about getting new Easter clothes. And how I felt sad that we missed church, and taking part in all the fun activities and the beautiful spirit that we enjoy on Easter Sunday, but how I felt at peace with it all. My insides felt still, calm, okay with "missing out" on Easter. Because I understood that the MOST important components were in place. And the rest doesn't create happiness, it's just extra stuff. That is just for fun.
And then, I remembered a time when I actually used to abhor the thought of posting an obligatory Easter picture of all of my kids in their new outfits, smiling so perfectly and looking so perfectly put together, because I didn't want to be
"one of those Utah Mormon mommies." NOT because I didn't LOVE the picture, and wanted to share it with the people I love, but I didn't want to be lumped into some group. I didn't want to "appear" to be following the pack and doing what I did out of a "wanting to fit in" motive. Because I DIDN'T want to blend in. AT ALL. And how I actually used to GO OUT of my way to set myself apart from "the norm" because I REALLY didn't want to just follow the pack. BE just like everyone else. Just another cheesy, Utah mom. But, it's interesting how in the attempt to be "authentic" and be ME, I actually wasn't. I was actually denying myself of that gift. To just be me. Now, I can see just how very judgmental and immature this thought train was. Bless. My. Heart.
And then I realized. I do not feel like I need to "keep up with the joneses," or "post my obligatory Easter pic" or "make sure we all wear matching pastel outfits." Or even look left or right to compare myself to anyone else. I honestly don't even think I noticed if anyone else had matching pastel outfits on at church today? I don't think the thought of making sure we all matched even crossed my mind. But I guess we kind of did match? So, this year, were we one of the families that "appeared" to be all perfectly matched? Is that a bad thing? Hmmm....
What I DID notice is a whole bunch of darling families at church in the cutest Easter outfits. With their facing beaming with excitement. I noticed some cute kids, families in their regular church clothes but those beaming faces! I noticed some beautiful parents slaving away to keep their children alive and happy. Some in pastels and others in black. And can I even remember who wore what? But the thought of comparing, or drawing conclusions about me, my family and other families honestly didn't even make it into my mind. And to be honest, I would like to venture to think that it probably didn't enter most other people's minds either!
I guess the point I am coming to here, is most people are doing what they feel is the most abundant choice. Some Easters, the most abundant choice for our family was to put our regular church clothes on, put a smile on our faces and get our little tushies to church to worship our Savior. Some years, we were able to wear brand new Easter clothes to church! But we got our little tushies to church to worship our Savior. Other years, we were at home, sick, in pajamas watching movies all day long on Easter Sunday. And the clothes stuff? And matching? Or not? Is it even worth a thought? Is it even a topic that deserves a moment of our energy or time?
I feel FREE!!! Cause guess what!?!? I LOVE seeing all of my friends and families post their DARLING family pics on Easter! And I LOVE to share my photos too! Matching? Non-matching? Black? Maroon? Pastel? GREEEEAT! WHO GIVES A flying RAT'S A! The faces! The grinning! The love, the JOY! The families, of all shapes and sizes.. THAT is what I love to see. THAT is what fills my heart. And the thought of "setting myself apart" or even NOTICING if we matched, they matched or didn't is like, HUH?!
And I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by YOU. I know that most of you if not all of you are JUST LIKE ME. WE DO NOT CARE! Is it fun to get a new outfit at Easter? Or a new tie? Of course! But does it define the kind of Mom I am? Or define what kind of family we are?! UUUUUUUUH HELLO!!! Of course NOT.
It feels so wonderful to just be. To accept what is. The season. To LOVE what is. To know that true happiness doesn't come from stuff. But sometimes, stuff is FUN! And that's okay. BUT it doesn't define me, you, or anyone. What really matters is pleasing HIM.
I used to spend my LIFE trying tirelessly to please EVERYONE. To feel like I was "approved" by everyone. HOLY DRAINING. I feel such a stark contrast with that now. I know now, I am most certainly NOT pleasing everyone. I know there are probably more people who disapprove of me than ever before. BUT it feels wonderful to me! It's okay! I do my very best. And I don't always measure up to others' expectations, and I am okay with that. AHHH.. My heart is fuller than it's ever been. I am not always perfect at this. Not gonna pretend to be. But my heart's desire is to please ONE. Him. To make SURE I am in alignment with His plan. His desires for me. For us. Because HE is the ONLY one who can fill me ALL. THE. WAY. UP. His approval fills me to overflowing. And HIS way is ALWAYS the best way.
